JACK
Do you mean to say you have had my cigarette case all this
time? I wish to goodness you had let me know. I have been
writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard about it. I was very
nearly offering a large reward.
ALGERNON
Well, I wish you would offer one. I happen to be more than
usually hard up.
JACK
There is no good offering a large reward now that the thing
is found.
Enter LANE with the cigarette case on a salver.
ALGERNON takes it at once. LANE goes out.
ALGERNON
I think that is rather mean of you, Ernest, I must say.
(Opens case and examines it)
However, it makes no matter, for, now that I look at the
inscription inside, I find that the thing isn't yours after
all.
JACK
Of course it's mine.
(Moving to him)
You have seen me with it a hundred times, and you have no
right whatsoever to read what is written inside. It is a very
ungentlemanly thing to read a private cigarette case.
ALGERNON
Oh! it is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one
should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern
culture depends on what one shouldn't read.
JACK
I am quite aware of the fact, and I don't propose to discuss
modern culture. It isn't the sort of thing one should talk of
in private. I simply want my cigarette case back.
ALGERNON
Yes; but this isn't your cigarette case. This cigarette case
is a present from some one of the name of Cecily, and you
said you didn't know any one of that name.
JACK
Well, if you want to know, Cecily happens to be my aunt.
ALGERNON
Your aunt!
JACK
Yes. Charming old lady she is, too. Lives at Tunbridge Wells.
Just give it back to me, Algy.
ALGERNON
(retreating to back of sofa)
But why does she call herself little Cecily if she is your
aunt and lives at Tunbridge Wells?
(Reading)
'From little Cecily with her fondest love.'
JACK
(moving to sofa and kneeling upon it)
My dear fellow, what on earth is there in that? Some aunts
are tall, some aunts are not tall. That is a matter that
surely an aunt may be allowed to decide for herself. You seem
to think that every aunt should be exactly like your aunt!
That is absurd! For Heaven's sake give me back my cigarette
case.
(Follows ALGERNON round the room)
ALGERNON
Yes. But why does your aunt call you her uncle? 'From little
Cecily, with her fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.' There
is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being a small aunt, but
why an aunt, no matter what her size may be, should call her
own nephew her uncle, I can't quite make out. Besides, your
name isn't Jack at all; it is Ernest.
JACK
It isn't Ernest; it's Jack.
ALGERNON
You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you
to every one as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You
look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnestlooking person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd
your saying that your name isn't Ernest. It's on your cards.
Here is one of them.
(Taking it from case)'Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany.' I'll keep this as a
proof that your name is Ernest if ever you attempt to deny it
to me, or to Gwendolen, or to any one else.
(Puts the card in his pocket)
JACK
Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and
the cigarette case was given to me in the country.
Designed By Ana Marta PLAYED BY: Beatriz F. (Jack) and Francisco (Algernon)
by Rita C.
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